The Chronicles of Bananaman
by pheonixflamechimera78
Summary: He's yellow...He's fruity...HE'S EPICALLY DELICIOUS! Watch Ulquiorra as he ditches super-emo and goes SUPERHERO!
1. Prologue

**Meow & Mango: Teh first collab we've done in a while…and of course it's crack. :D ALL HAIL MANGO FOR COMING UP WITH THIS IDEA. XD**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach or REJECTED. Actually, even Ulquiorra as the "banana" was already cast by someone on Youtube who made a video of it… And also, Bananaman is evidently already a British comic of some sort, so we would like to clarify that our fanfiction series has no affiliation with said British comic whatsoever. We did not discover this fact until after we had decided to write this story.**

**Link to the **_**original**_** "My Spoon is too Big" video can be found here:**

http: / / www. youtube .com / watch?v =LrStENrKZa8

**Link to the Bleach remake:**

http: / / www. youtube .com / watch?v =K0TFlMC8kw0

Episode 0: Prologue

"My spoooon is toooo biiiiiig," said Nnoitra.

Zaraki Kenpachi stopped attempting to hack said spoon-headed Espada to bloody chunks and stared.

"My spoon is _too big!_" repeated Nnoitra.

Kenpachi blinked.

"Ma spoon is too big!" said Nnoitra (again), as if the two previous times weren't enough.

The captain of the Eleventh Division opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but was interrupted (quite rudely) by a certain Fourth Espada in a banana suit, who decided to waddle into sight.

"I…AM A BANANA!" Ulquiorra half-stated, half-shrieked, a vacant expression in his eyes.

And thus, the foundation for an epic tale was laid.

**XD The next installment shall be added...sometime tomorrow. Yush.**


	2. Episodes 1 Through 3

**Meow & Mango: Yush, Meow knows that the writing/descriptions are over-exaggerated. XD It's meant to be over-epicized. :D Being a superhero story and all.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. D: Except for the Bananarang(tm) and the Banana Grenade(tm). :D**

Episode 1: The Spoon and the Banana

"My spoon is too big," stated Nnoitra, for the first time this chapter.

Suddenly, in a flash of yellow and fruitiness, Bananaman appeared.

"Fear not citizen, for I shall find you a regular-sized spoon!" He shouted with confidence in his abilities. The superhero dashed off on a frenzied search for a normal spoon.

Returning almost immediately (for of course both his speed and skill in spoon-finding were superior to that of humans), he said triumphantly, "Here is your new spoon."

The citizen was not pleased, however. "But it's still too big!" he complained.

"Deal with it, you whiny kitchen utensil," commanded Bananaman, his patience spent.

Episode 2: The Making of an Arch-Nemesis

Bananaman was angered.

He was appalled at the state of his lair, the walls which were full of craters and the air of which smelt burnt.

With his awesome senses of judgement and deduction, Bananaman found someone to blame…I mean…decided on who was probably the culprit.

"Grimmjow!" he yelled as he charged to the aforementioned cat-man's room.

"Damn it, Grimmjow! How many times have I told you not to use my room for cero practice? Why don't you use your own room?"

"Bite me, banana boy," said Grimmjow coolly.

This was obviously not the respectful plea for forgiveness our hero was expecting, and very much provoked Bananaman to anger. He did the logical thing to do in such a situation: He chucked a banana at Grimmjow's head.

The Sixth Espada was enraged. "That's it, Ulquiorra! You just made yourself an arch-nemesis. For now on I shall be called…the Kitty Litter."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Oh, wait, that came out wrong-"

"Alright, then, Kitty Litter! We are now sworn enemies. Face the wrath of my Bananarang(tm)!" said Ulquiorra-I-mean-Bananaman as he threw a specially shaped banana-boomerang **(A/N: Ohoho aren't we clever)** at the Kitty Litter.

"No, wait, I want to change my name-" Unfortunately for the Kitty Litter, he never got to finish his complaint, as he was promptly socked in the face with the Bananarang(tm).

"Curse you, Bananaman-!" he yelled as he blasted off (for the first time).

Episode 3: Damsel in Distress

"AAAHHHHH~~!" screamed a woman's voice. Bananaman was immediately on the job, tracking the source with his banana-heightened senses. He identified the woman as Harribel, and the location as Kitty Litter's evil lair.

"Kitty Litter, I demand to know what you have done with Harribel!" he shouted, heroic and handsome in his full-body banana suit.

"Hahaha!" laughed the villain, who was glowing with delight. "It was a trap, and you fell for it."

Before the valiant Bananaman had an opportunity to react, a huge cage fell from the ceiling and trapped him.

"How did you get that recording of Harribel anyway?" the hero wondered aloud.

*Flashback Sequence of Prettyfabulousness and Wonder*

Grimmjow attempts to grope Harribel while holding a tape recorder. She kicks him down and pepper sprays him. **(A/N: Dun ask us what he was doing with that tape recorder…-_-)**

*Back to the Story of Awesomepwnness and Win*

The Kitty Litter shuddered at the memory. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

Ignoring the villain's comment, Bananaman declared, "You shall not prevail, Kitty Litter! Taste my Banana Grenade(tm)!"

With that, Bananaman threw an exceedingly powerful exploding banana that burst open the cage and knocked out Kitty Litter. Unfortunately for him, however, Harribel chose that moment to enter her room, which was covered in splattered banana, courtesy of Bananaman and his Banana Grenade(tm).

In a fury, she asked, "What the hell did you do to my room, Ulquiorra?"

"Fear not Harribel, for you are now safe!" said Bananaman, the poor oblivious hero believing that he had actually saved her from imminent danger.

"Safe? From what? A clean room? You're going to pay for what you did to my room!" Harribel yelled while shoving a stolen Banana Grenade(tm) up Bananaman's nose.

_BOOM!_

So, in the end, Bananaman was "hospitalized" with severe injuries for being the kindred soul he was. Even so, he persevered in his superhero-y ways, as there were always those in need of aid from Bananaman._  
_


End file.
